All I want for Christmas is shoes and Girlfriends
27 December, 2012
Another doomsday prediction come and gone without much fan fare. A bit of a letdown, wouldn’t you say? No blazing asteroids headed towards the earth, no oceans swallowing up California. Some church representative in my home country Georgia is still hopeful that America will go underwater soon enough; he is just noncommittal to the date of our demise. I wanted to ask him, what was it that got him so hell bent on sinking a country he has probably never
been to, but then I realized, I couldn’t care less about an old white bearded man’s opinion.
There is however another white bearded man’s opinion I do care about. He dresses in more festive clothing and is willing to smile and give presents to those who have been nice, but not those who have been naughty. I wouldn’t give naughty children any presents either. Santa and I agree on that. I also wouldn’t give that church representative any gifts, but I have a feeling he is taking enough for himself from the state budget. Anyway, California is nice and warm, there wasn’t a hint of snow on Christmas, which surprisingly stopped bothering me. I was more concerned with this year’s presents that should have been coming my way. I wanted a comfortable pair of shoes.
It is silly I know, to be wishing upon a comfortable pair of shoes for work as a Christmas present, when in Georgia thousands of prisoners are getting a much more appreciated Christmas present - being let out of jail early. The jails are opening up and letting out everyone. The not so criminal (political prisoners) and the really criminal (murderers, drug addicts, thief’s, spies) alike. Murderers and drug addicts have families too, and apparently they are pretty tight with Georgian Santa Clause and his elves. Christmas has come early for hooligans as well. Who would have thought that throwing a rock at a president would end in a fine of hundred lari? Not I, or I would have been chugging them at Shevardnadze any chance I got when he was president. I wonder how big the fine is for throwing a rock at a prime minister. And speaking of Shevardnadze’s regime; it’s enough to make one stop believing in a fair ‘naughty or nice’ Santa list, when Tengiz Kitovani shows up a free man in Tbilisi, while I can still remember his band of merry man, (Kitovani’s bandebi) running the city Sicilian style. But what can one do? This is Georgian Santa’s way of saying thank you for all the little children who believed in him and his fair ways.  Maybe the real Santa Clause will show up one day and set all the naughty children straight, but till then, I am concerned mostly about my shoes. I need them to work long hours in a restaurant and longer hours to run from one side of a school campus to another. When I work, I make my rent money, my food money and my school money. I can do my homework (I do a lot of research in internet, thank you Wikipedia!) and not flunk out of school and loose my student visa. And when I am done with work and homework, I can relax in my kitchen and watch my favorite program “My Wife’s Girlfriends”. I hope Santa grants me my second wish this year and makes it so that the show continues on forever. It has been the best thing to come out of my homeland in a very long time. (Mancho got her shoes. She is now waiting to hear about the future of “My Wife’s Girlfriends”)