Two Chickens and a Kardashian
23 June, 2011
Two Chickens and a Kardashian

Mancho  Ekliani

Oh, a blissful weekend, how I love to sleep through you. My weekends are there for me to relax and catch up on the news. This weekend I have woken up to read some fascinating gossip: Kim Kardashian is getting married, Jerusalem rabbis ‘condemn dog to death by stoning’ and Gay Girl in Damascus is really a middle-aged dude. Wait a minute; what’s this about a dog being stoned? I am only wondering because since living in the USA

I have become super aware of Animal rights. I mean I can’t kill a chicken without P.E.T.A. boycotting on my doorstep. So why stone a dog? Was it a Palestinian spy? A terrorist perhaps? No?

It was a dog believed to be a reincarnation of a secular lawyer who insulted the judges. To retaliate the judges at the court in the city’s ultra-Orthodox Mea Shearim had cursed the secular lawyer by bidding his spirit to enter a body of a dog. That was twenty years ago. (Good thing we don’t live in a religious society, or those rabbis would have been on trial for witchcraft.)

I don’t like dogs. If a large dog I did not know entered my building and refused to leave I’d be afraid it had rabies or something, and avoid it at all costs. My first thought would not be that he is there because a spirit of a dead lawyer came to haunt me. And I probably wouldn’t get little children to come and stone the dog, although there are some humans I’d like to do that to. I just don’t believe teaching children to kill animals a grownup does not like is a wise decision. We have humane societies and animal control for that. Besides this was a joke, right? Right?

So I happened to look in on a forum discussing this article. I thought I’d find some jokes about the lucky ‘dog’ who escaped stoning, for he did escape as soon as he heard the verdict. Instead I found that a whole lot of people took offense to the article, as being Anti-Semitic with a capital A.

I thought it was anti-stupidity article, but somehow anti Antisemitism crawled into it. One commentator was adamant that by posting this article the person posting it (BBC news) was for the sole purpose of reinforcing hatred towards Jewish people. Never mind that BBC got its article from Ynet, and Israeli website, who in turn got it from Behadrei Hadarim, an Ultra Orthodox internet forum. When BBC publishes articles on crazy anti abortion Christian bombers, no one says anything about being anti Christian, or when Muslim extremists with bombs attached to their bodies are portrayed as what they are – suicide bombers and murderers, no one says anything. So what’s the problem in calling a rabbi who believes making children stone a dog instead of doing it himself, or better yet, not stoning anyone at all, a coward in need of psychiatric evaluation?

The good thing is that now P.E.T.A is preoccupied with Rabi Rabbi Avraham Dov Levin the head of the rabbinical court, who supposedly ordered the stoning, which means I can go get my chicken.

Speaking of Chickens – who in their right mind pretends they are a teenage gay girl in Syria, and then tells their readers she might get abducted if she doesn’t check in every day, and then goes on vacation? I’ve come up with some stories in my day when I wanted a day off, but this is super creepy. But then so is the middle-aged dude who turned out to be a Gay girl in Damascus. I think real Gay Girls in Damascus should sue him.

In other news, Kim Kardashian (she should be sued for existing) is getting married and she has a registry. Items requested as her wedding presents are : A $1100 ashtray; a $1650 coffee pot with a matching $1000 creamer and $710 sugar bowl; 18 silver placemats at $75 a piece; 18 cereal bowls at $150 a piece; and an $1150 black clock.

Makes me want to throw stones.

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