From Super to Super Strange
08 March, 2012

Another Super and I mean ‘Super’ in a way that would be uttered by a sarcastic teenage girl, Tuesday debate in the republican campaign for the White House has come and gone. The latest polls show that governor Mitt Romney is in the lead and is being closely followed by Rick Santorum, not so closely by Newt Gingrich and Ron Paul. The main two candidates, Romney and Santorum, are the most boring, luckless, two white males left in the US.

 From listening to their speeches you’d think that neither of them has had any experience running a campaign. 


From Mitt Romney’s disclosure that he and his wife own more than two cars and that his friends are Nascar team owners, surprise, surprise, to Rick (yes, he is still calling himself Rick, not Richard or John, both far more presidential names than Rick) Santorum who has decided he is going to win the presidency by attacking women and their reproductive rights, these candidates leave much to be desired. I almost feel bad for the republican constituency, seeing as they are left with choices in candidates who are not very likely to win the White House. But the road to the White house is long and expensive, and there is still room for someone new and more experienced to come along. Meanwhile Santorum has been  blaming his attack on John Kennedy’s freedom of all religion’s speech, on his passion of his message, which meant nothing, but utilized the key points, passion, message, while Romney attacked Santorum for exciting the extreme conservatives, to which Santorum responded that he was unable to speak calmly when no one tells him what to say. He was referring to the cue cards that Romney supposedly utilizes. Well, not damn, as we say in the South (Newt Gingrich land) that’s a mighty new excuse: ‘Sorry folks I make no sense today, I’m just a folksy kind of guy, unable to speak clearly because I have no cue cards. If I had cue cards, I’d probably sound like a real politician, or at least like Mitt Romney.’ But enough of poking fun at the less fortunate, some of what they say can and does prove harmful to people. Rick Santorum’s attack on women didn’t come out of the blue. He was immediately followed by other Republican spokespeople and pundits, and most recently by a pig-like pill popping talk show host Rush Limbaugh, who on air called Sandra Fluke, a law student a "slut" and  a prostitute because  Fluke (unfortunate last name there) was going to testify before Congress about the need for contraceptive coverage in insurance plans.  The testimony was brought on by an outraged clergy that seems to run the country and that wants nothing to do with birth control. The outrage was brought on by a bill President Obama had introduced to Congress that requires the insurance companies of the employer to provide coverage for birth control for their employees if they are asked for. This would include the religious organizations, but not the religious persons themselves, because religion is run like any other business. They employ accountants (lots of those), lawyers, cleaning people, cooks, artists to make more gold covered icons and other no religious personnel. These institutions don’t mind their insurance companies paying for Viagra, but paying for a woman to have sex without repercussions, (because that’s the only thing they can think the pill is for) well, that’s just crazy y'all. I bet if the pill was called anti-PMS pill, (it does reduce the side effects of PMS, like irritation, horrible cramps and general need to hit and maim anything male) that pill would be a requirement prescribed by all insurance companies, especially the ones working for a religious outfit.

Clearly there’s a reason for women to testify and clearly there is a reason for this law to pass, but it is unlikely that the Republicans will ever stop grumbling about it. After all, this isn’t the kind of laws the learned men in power like to make. Here are some very important laws they have passed in the US: In Tucson, Arizona women can’t wear pants. In Arkansas a man can beat his wife ONLY once a month, he beats her twice and it’s jail time. In my favorite state of California, you have to have a hunting license to set a mouth trap in your house. In Hartford Connecticut a man can’t kiss his wife on Sundays. In Florida, it is illegal for a single, widowed or divorced woman to Parachute on Sundays, damn – there goes my weekend in Miami. In Georgia it is illegal to tie your pet giraffe to a street lamp or a post.  I personally use my giraffe as an alternative mode for transportation. Sure he stops every ten minutes to chew leaves off a tree (that’s totally legal), but hey, he comes out cheaper at the gas pump. The only problem is I can’t park him anywhere legal. Moving on in Hawaii prisons should be filled because it is illegal to appear in public wearing only swim trunks.  In Indiana it is illegal to bathe in the winter time. In New Orleans a woman can only drive a car if her husband stands in front of it waving a flag. I can see you starting to appreciate your own state and country lawmakers just a bit more. But for fun, check out the crazy US laws online. It surely beats watching the Republican Presidential debates.