Souffle thief
04 November, 2010

During a fundraising dinner with Congressman Jim Marshall last week, Professor Avenarius stole and ate my chocolate souffle. I can’t stop thinking about it. The worst part of the whole ordeal is that it might have been a terrible souffle, overcooked or very thin on the chocolate, but I will never know that. In my mind it was the perfect slice of heaven that was once again thwarted by the evil genius Professor Avenarius. 
This was not the first time

my food has disappeared into Professor’s belly. I don’t know how, or why for that matter, but every time there is food disappearing from people’s plates, Professor is somewhere near by, lurking in the corners.  In all fairness, he is sort of a blessing in disguise.  He provides an alternative dieting strategy. If you are weakening in your dietary habits, all you have to do is invite Professor over and he will eat your excess food for you.
In a way this is the best diet I have heard of in a long time. Believe it or not there are crazier ones. When I was in Tbilisi, where the diet crazy has taken over not only the 20-somethings, but 30-somethigns as well, the latest craze was to loose 5 kilos by eating yogurt and buckwheat for ten days. No salt, no sugar and no life. I lasted two days before I broke down and ate a pizza. The diet wouldn’t have helped me anyway, I forgot to mention that the people on the diet also smoke like the French used to.

In the States, it is all about health foods and small portions and exercise.
I have no problem with exercise, it is important to be able to walk up a flight of stairs and not pass out from exhaustion.  One of my grandparents has been doing yoga and watching his eating habits since he was a young man. He is now eighty years old and looks like a man in his late sixties.  In the States, where our food is injected with chemicals and most people drive everywhere, it is not so easy to keep in shape. Most people don’t have the money to buy organic foods, nor the time to spare for exercise for two hours a day. Of coarse some people, like myself, lack the discipline to exercise like beauty contestants.

Speaking of the beauty contestants, my Georgian Friend Mancho called me to tell me about the Miss World contest. Normally Mancho could not care less for beauty pageants or her own appearance for that matter. But this year she was excited to see a Miss Georgia in the contest. Georgia being a country where everyone knows each other I thought I’d check to see if this was also the case with Dea Arakishvili. It was not the case, but I thought it was hysterical when this stick thin sliver of a woman told the press that her favorite foods were Khinkali and Khachapuri. Last time I had a weekend of Khinkali and khachapuri, it took me a week of intensive running and a triathlon to drop the pounds. Maybe by ‘favorite’ she meant ‘the food I never get to eat’, kind of like my chocolate souffl?.
Knowing that there is no beauty contest in my future, my friend Mancho and I visited seven different bakeries in search of a perfect chocolate souffle. The souffles kept getting better with each new bakery, but the price we paid for our indulgence was too high. By the time Halloween rolled around, we couldn’t even look at a chocolate without clutching our stomachs. Professor Avenarius on the other hand, had no trouble gobbling the candy up. He came dressed appropriately, as a vacuum cleaner.